Danbury, CT – 4.3.2010
Commentary is done (and re-recorded) by Mike Rotch, Addy Starr, and a few random guests here and there.
The show opens with a music video of ISW action set to “America (Fuck Yeah)” from the Team America soundtrack. I’m already loving this show.
The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) vs. Zombified
This was supposed to be a tag team match, with Zombified teaming with Izzie Deadyet, but Deadyet never came out. The Portal double team Zombified. Zombified goes to the floor when The Portal side steps his attack. Amasis dances in a wristlock. He tags in Ophidian who trips Zombified and follows up by hypnotizing him. The Portal do the MC Hammer dance. Zombified slams Ophidian in the center of the ring. Zombified chokes Ophidian in the corner. Zombified chokes Ophidian and drops him with a backdrop style suplex. Amasis comes in with a big crossbody. He follows up with a leg lariat, and Zombified gives him a yakuza kick. Zombified stomps away at Amasis and hits him with a forearm. Zombified throws Amasis head first into the corner. Zombified hits a couple double stomps on him. Zombified headbutts Amasis. Zombified rips off and pus his own nipple in his mouth. No, you did not read that sentence incorrectly. Zombified gives Amasis a urinage backbreaker. Amasis tags in Ophidian who lights up Zombified with chops. Ophidian boots him in the head a couple times before hitting a quebrada for two. Zombified sends Ophidian to the floor and Amasis dropkicks Zombified’s legs out. Amasis lands a leg drop on the back of Zombified’s head for two. Ophidian headstands in the corner, and comes down into a tornado DDT. Amasis drops Zombified with a spinebuster and Ophidian hits a running standing shooting star press for two. Zombified avoids a double team attack and hits stereo chokeslams on The Portal for two. Ophidian gives Zombified a spin kick and Amasis drops him with an STO. The Portal hit him with a double leg sweep slam. The follow up with the Osirian Sacrament for the pin at 9:42. This was a very fun opening match with some real good wrestling. The Portal is criminally underrated outside of CHIKARA, and the Zombified schtick worked really well. **3/4
The Badd Boys (Brad & Chad Badd) laid out a “Badd Challenge” for this show. Vin Badd (hmmm, I wonder who that could be) comes out. He says last time he was here he had a bad time when he kissed two guys and got beat up by his brothers. He said he came here with some bad dudes. Vin says they have yet another brother, a gay brother named Glaad Badd (that’s pretty clever). Brad and Chad come out saying that Glaad isn’t there brother. He calls them out to the floor.
The Badd Boys (Brad & Chad Badd) vs. Vin Badd & Glaad Badd
The Badd Boys beat on Glaad while Brad talks on the microphone. Brad beats on Glaad in the ring. Brad pulls Glaad by his hair and punches Vin off the apron. Chad drops an elbow on Glaad’s pink bandana and kicks Vin on the apron. Brad and Chad whip Glaad with a belt. Brad chokes Glaad with the belt and Chad kicks Glaad in the face. Brad misses a splash and Vin tags in. Vin throws Glaad and he gives Brad a cock to the anus. Chad throws Vin to the floor and Chad kicks Glaad in the balls. The Badd’s hit the Badd Move and smash a bottle of Zima over Vin Badd’s head to win the match at 5:44. This was pretty ridiculous but I enjoy the Badd Boys’ stuff so I enjoyed it. Wrestling wise it was ultra basic, but this wasn’t meant to be a wrestling match anyways. *
Brad keeps attacking Glaad on the floor as Chad elbow drops the pink bandana again. Glaad gives Vin mouth to mouth to help him recover from the bottle attack.
Addy Starr vs. Beef Wellington
Starr rolls up Wellington and scores the pin in 27 seconds. Wellington says that was a warm up and asks for the bell to ring again. Starr rolls up Wellington again and pins him in 10 seconds. Wellington claims a warm up again and asks for the bell. Starr knocks him down with a shoulder tackle and pins him in 18 seconds. Wellington asks for yet another match. He grabs a headlock. Starr trips him and pins him again at 18 seconds. You guessed it, another match happens. They trade wristlocks and Wellington taps out in one at 20 seconds. Wellington calls for another match. He accidentally knocks down the referee as he tries to sneak attack Starr, and gets disqualified in 8 seconds. Wellington chops her as she celebrates, and we get yet another match. Wellington steps on Starr’s neck and facewashes her in the corner. Wellington rams his cock in her face. Starr kicks him away and hits a tornado DDT. Starr clotheslines Wellington and hits a seated on. Wellington blocks the Shiranui and yakuza kicks Starr for two. Wellington chops Starr in the clavicle and applies a Camel Clutch. Wellington crotches himself on the middle rope. Starr ducks a clothesline and slips out of a Tiger Driver. She gives Wellington an Acid Drop variation (called the Starr Fucker) for the pin at 2:42. This was just a ridiculous sequence. I probably would have enjoyed it more if I didn’t have to keep seven separate times. N/R
Wellington says he quits ISW (he apparently did this before as well) and leaves.
Flip vs. Moostafa
Flip is the slave of Mohammad the Terrorist Cow, who is Moostafa’s brother. Moostafa has disobeyed the family name by wanting to be a dancer. So Flip is looking to do his brother’s dirty work and take care of him. Moostafa takes the match early with some dance related offense. He dropkicks Flip to the floor and dances around. Flip comes in and gives Moostafa a low blow. Flip punches Moostafa and his mask accidentally falls off. Moostafa lays in some strikes to Flip in the corner. Flip chokes Moostafa on the ropes. Flip gives Moostafa an STO and stomps him. Flp kicks Moostafa in the hamstrings and then lays in some strikes in the corner. Flip misses a splash and Moostafa gives him a neck breaker. Flip gives Moostafa a nice right hand punch. Moostafa comes back with one of his own and gives Flip a DDT. Flip pops up and lays in some forearms. Moostafa dances and drops Flip with some strikes. Moostafa does a spinaroonie and spears Flip in the corner a couple times. Moostafa gives Flip a Side Effect. Moostafa tunes up the band. Flip ducks the superkick and gives Moostafa a bicycle kick. Flip shoulder tackles Moostafa in the corner and axe handles him in the crotch. Flip gives Moostafa a running knee strike and a piledriver. Flip picks up Moostafa instead of pinning him. Moostafa scoops Flip’s legs and pins him at 10:16. This was another fun and good match. Both these guys are quite good (especially Flip) even when you consider their gimmicks. **1/2
Moohammad comes out and hits Flip with a newspaper. Now it’s time for Moohammad to defend his “Other” title. Seeing as he’s a terrorist, there’s one guy who’s an appropriate opponent…
ISW “Other” Championship
Moohammad the Terrorist Cow (Champion) vs. Dasher Hatfield
Hatfield attacks Moohammad right away, and Moohammad looks for a roll up. Hatfield gives Moohammad a Lou Thesz press. Hatfield fives him snake eyes and takes him off his feet with an underhand strike. Hatfield plays bull fighter using an American flag instead of a red one. Moohammad falls to the floor and Hatfield gives him a baseball slide. Hatfield holds Moohammad so that the fans can chop him. He asks the referee to hit him since he’s also an American. The referee obliges since Moohammad called him a ginger. Back in the ring, Moohammad misses a cannonball in the corner. Hatfeild gives him some wind up chops. Moohammad drops Hatfield with the Udder Cutter for two. Moohammad lays in some headbutts and chokes Hatfield on the ropes. Moohammad uppercuts Hatfield and Hatfield dropkicks Moohammad’s knees out. He dropkicks Moohammad in the side of the head for two. Moohammad pokes Hatfield in the eyes and headbutts Hatfield a couple times in the shoulder. Moohammad gives Hatfield the Lightning Spiral for two. Moohammad sends Hatfield to the floor. Moohammad brings him back in and wears Hatfield down. Moohammad locks in a variation of the Cattle Mutilation. Hatfield rolls Moohammad into a crossface chicken wing. Moohammad escapes but Moohammad hits a flying headbutt. Hatfeild nips up and superkicks Moohammad for two. Hatfield knees Moohammad to block a spear. Hatfield drops Moohammad in a snapmare driver variation for two. Moohammad gives Hatfield a half-and-half suplex and pins him for two. Moohammad hits Hatfield with a top rope Samoan spike for the pin at 11:00. This was quite a good match. Dasher is so awesome and Moohammad was shockingly very good. They had a really good match and cut the bullshit for a little bit, which was refreshing for this show at the moment. ***
Frankie Arion vs. Cecil Nyx
Nyx pushes Arion then poses on the second rope. Arion hammerlocks into an armdrag. Arion slaps Nyx in the back when he ducks a chop. Arion floats over Nyx and does a jungle yelp to scare Nyx. He kicks out Nyx’s legs and traps Nyx between the stage and the ring. Arion mocks Nyx, stomps on him, then baseball slides him while he’s stuck. Nyx grabs the ropes to stop Arion’s offense. He lands a laying legdrop and lariat for two. Nyx chokes Arion on the middle rope. Nyx punches Arion multiple times in the face before skull fucking him. Arion boots Nyx and gives him a stunner. Nyx gives Arion a scoop powerslam for two. Arion takes Nyx down with a headscissors. Arion hits a flying shin strike for two. Nyx gives Arion a back elbow. Arion gives Nyx a dragon punch and a top rope snapmare. Arion gets a can of Axe and goes to the top rope. Arion sprays the axe across his chest and gives Nyx a frog splash for the pin at 6:39. This was a nice showcase between these two guys, though Arion shined like a star and Nyx kind of phoned it on. Arion has impressed me the two times I have seen him and I sure hope that we she more of him overall on the indies. **
Giant Tiger comes out wearing Zack Ryder like tights made entirely of duct tape. He says he’s happy to be back home in the United States, but is not happy with the president (noting that it’s called the “White House” for a reason). He says he did a lot of cocaine downstairs and the fans chant “drugs!” and “You do coke!” He says after his match he will be the “Steve the Turtle sister fucking champion”. Tiger has the fans chant “Steve’s a virgin” as he comes out to the ring.
Giant Tiger (Champion) vs. Steve “The Turtle” Weiner
Turtle knocks Tiger down with a shoulder block and dropkicks Tiger to the floor. Even Rotch acknowledges it’s shitty. Weiner attacks Tiger in the crowd and throws him back in. Tiger begs Weiner off, but then gives him a low blow. Tiger gives him an axe kick and pushes Weiner into the corner. Tiger rubs his cock all over Weiner’s face. Tiger looks for a body slam and falls down with Turtle. Tiger looks for the Razor’s Edge, but Turtle palm strikes Tiger to the corner. Turtle butt-butts Tiger in the corner and gives him a bulldog. Turtle drops Tiger with the Shellshock for two. Turtle goes up top and Eddie Kingston runs in at about 4:51. He stomps away with Tiger onto Turtle. Tiger gives the referee a no-armed pedigree. I feel awkward rating Weiner’s matches anyhow, and this match would get no rating anyways.
Giant Tiger brings (supposedly) Steve Weiner’s sister in the ring and teabags her (well the most he can with tights). Tiger then announces her (known as the Whore) and Eddie Kingston as the newest members of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Tiger asks for his music so he can fuck the whore and do coke backstage already. This was pretty wacky stuff. ALAN4L GETS A SHOUT OUT ON COMMENTARY! ALRIGHT!
Twiggy vs. El Hijo del Bamboo vs. Pinkie Sanchez vs. Stinky the Homeless Guy
Sanchez comes out to “Bad Romance” and does coke when he gets in the ring. Yes, Bamboo is a giant panda and is super cute and jolly. Sanchez shoves Bamboo then goes face to face with Twiggy. He snaps Twiggy’s headband. Stinky and Bamboo ping pong Sanchez back and forth and Twiggy nails him with a Dusty elbow. Stinky and Bamboo hug when trying to lock up. Sanchez trips Twiggy and rams him back first into the ring. Bamboo and Stinky hip toss Sanchez back into the ring. Stinky and Bamboo knock down Sanchez down with some elbows. Stinky takes of his hat asking Bamboo for money. Stinky can’t pick up Bamboo in any move. Bamboo does a dance and Sanchez kicks him in nuts behind the ref’s back. Sanchez drops Bamboo with a neck breaker. Sanchez hops off the entrance ramp into the ring with a swanton bomb on Bamboo. Twiggy gives Sanchez a Manhattan drop. Sanchez takes out Twiggy’s leg. Sanchez elbows Bamboo off the apron. Sanchez gives Twiggy a few kicks for two. Sanchez and Twiggy trade forearms and Twiggy gives him a tornado bulldog. Stinky tags in and mows down Sanchez with clotheslines. Stinky backdrops Sanchez. Sanchez comes off the top rope with a crossbody. Stinky catches him in a bodyslam for two. Stinky pops up Sanchez and drops him stomach first on the mat. Stinky dedlifts Sanchez up. Twiggy superkicks Stinky into a Samoan Drop on Sanchez. Twiggy hits a top rope senton splash to eliminate Sanchez at 7:33. Twiggy boots Stinky and drops him with an ace crusher. Bamboo gives Twiggy an ace crusher of his own for two. Twiggy gives Bamboo a tornado DDT for two. Bamboo palm strikes Twiggy and goes up top. Bamboo gives Twiggy a giant whoopee cushion to pin and eliminate Twiggy at 9:12. Bamboo and Stinky collide with big body blocks. Stinky looks for a slam and Bamboo rolls through for a two count. Bamboo ducks a spear from Stinky. Bamboo gives him a big ass splash in the corner. Bamboo sits on Stinky’s chest for a two count. Stinky fires up from Bamboo’s strikes. Stinky gives Bamboo a scoop slam. Stinky powerbombs Bamboo for the pin at 11:43. This was a very fun, very good four way match. I was damn impressed with the panda; dude can move for a big dude. Plus his adorability level is sky high. Everyone else in this match was good too, so it was a thumbs up all around! **3/4
Player Uno vs. Eddie Kingston
Uno attacks Kingston in the entrance way. They brawl into the restroom and the door closes so we can’t see what’s going on. Finally, Uno and Kingston emerge and Uno is shoving toilet paper in Kingston’s mouth. Kingston beats up Uno around the ringside area. Uno chops Kingston on the stage. Kingston grabs Uno by the throat and pushes him off the stage. This fight gets taken outside to the parking lot. Uno and Kingston trade shots to the face. Kingston throws Uno face first into a brick wall. Kingston punches Uno in a headlock. Uno throws Kingston’s face into the brick wall. Kingston forces Player Uno to motorboat the merchandise girl, and Uno returns the favor. They finally get into the ring to officially start the match. Kingston knocks Uno down and pretends to skeet on him. Kingston threatens a little kid, and Uno kicks the middle rope into his crotch. Kingston lights up Uno with chops in the corner. Uno gets some chops in, but Kingston punches him in the face to stop him. Kingston snapmares Uno into a rear chinlock. Kingston knee lifts Uno in the belly as he comes off the ropes. Kingston stomps on Uno’s mid-section. Kingston misses a splash and Uno clothesline Kingston down three times. He sole butts Kingston and follows up with a DDT. Uno gives Kingston a hadouken for two. Kingston nails Uno with the Backfist to the Future and drops him on his head with a backdrop driver. Uno bails to the floor. He’s able to get back in the ring after some admiration from the crowd. Uno rolls up Kingston with an inside cradle. He hits his own backfist and it does nothing to Kingston. Uno hits a few Falcon punches and an enzugiri. Uno nails him with a big Falcon punch for the pin at 6:27 (although there was a good five minutes of action before the bell officially rang). This was a fun, crazy brawl to end the show. Kingston is great when he’s able to let loose and Uno is one underrated dude. **3/4
Giant Tiger comes out and attacks Uno. Kingston attacks Uno as well. The Whore comes in the ring. Kingston says if she wants to be part of The League, she needs to ride Uno’s face. She does just that, and Uno moves away. Kingston says fuck ISW, fuck the fans, and that it’s all about The League.
Extras on the DVD include:
– A dance-off between Amasis, Pinkie Sanchez, and Moostafa that took place during initermission
– Fan made videos
Slamtasia 3 is certainly a very unique show. I will say this; if you’re a “workrate fiend” or someone who gets offended by foul language and sexual stuff, this probably isn’t for you. However, if you want a fun, different show that’s completely off the beaten path of your usual wrestling show, this is the show for you. That’s not to say that this show is completely void of good wrestling either, as many matches delivered some really fun stuff. Stuff like El Hijo del Bamboo and Moohammad are really fun characters that really deliver on a wrestling level as well. I’d say it’s certainly worth giving a shot to see if ISW is up your alley. I certainly had a fun time watching this show, and I think you might too. You can pick it up over at Smart Mark Video.